You might chuckle at the notion of shopping for second hand items at a thrift store like Goodwill, but we’re here to show you that you might be missing out on the bargains of a lifetime! Garage sales can be pretty amazing as well from what we’ve heard.
It was making our brains explode to try to rank these stunning thrift store finds (they’re all freakin’ fantastic), so we didn’t. We simply went on about our day without a single f#@* given.
Cocaine Jar

At first, you might be like, “But I don’t even have any cocaine! I swear!” While that may or may not be true, we still think you should have a jar to put it in, should you ever come across some grade A Colombian coke. Instead of snorting it all up your nose, keep it in this beautiful cocaine jar for safekeeping. Cocaine is a helluva drug.
Classy T-Shirts

The above shirts were found at some elegant thrift stores. Where else would they carry this type of high-class designer fashion?!
Reading for Cannibals

While cannibalism may not be widely accepted (or legal) where you live, at thrift stores you can live out your cannibalistic fantasies by purchasing educational literature on the topic. Might we also suggest indulging in the hit TV series ‘Hannibal’ to get some nice visuals to go along with your reading. Warning: The books could be stained with human blood, if the previous owners didn’t do a good job of licking it off.
Dancing with Cats

If you’re an insane cat lady, this would be a terrific find! Which clinically insane feline hoarder wouldn’t love to dance with their hostages?
Framed Wall Art for Cat Murderers

If you don’t want to dance with your cats and would rather slaughter them to cook them, then this framed picture promoting the creation of more cat meat recipes might just be the perfect thrift store item for you!
Jesus Loves You Plaque

This beautifully decorative metal plaque illustrates just how much your Lord and Savior Jesus Christ loves you. Read it and weep with joy!
Stripper Pole

What a steal! If Carmen Electra endorses it, you know it must be a high quality pole. Whether you’re looking to become a professional pole dancer or just a stripper at the local club (we’re sure it’s very upscale), this would be an amazing item to pick up at Goodwill. We think most of the parts are probably still in the box too. You might not even faceplant and need reconstructive facial surgery.
Beer Mug

Who wouldn’t want to drink out of this mug? Just look at it! I’m sure it belonged to a classy gentleman before. We can almost taste the aroma filling the air.
Sperm Bank

If you don’t think this is clever, we’re not sure why you’re still reading this post. Why get a piggy bank when you can get a sperm bank instead? Perfect for saving up for baby items, if you’re knocked up or knocked someone else up. The amount of coins you can fit in there might buy you a whole box of diapers, especially if they aren’t all pennies.
Chihuahua with Cheeseburger Feet

Amazing. Incredible. Magnificent. These are the words we would use to describe this framed picture of a chihuahua with McDonald’s (pretty sure) cheeseburger feet. Two cheeseburgers per paw seems reasonable to us. Wouldbuy/10! Just name your price, thrift shop guy!
Now you know what awaits you on your next (or possibly first ever) trip to the thrift shop. Share this with your friends and family, so they know how to thrift shop like a boss too!