You probably need a dark sense of humor to appreciate these unethical life hacks. They are satire, so we’re certainly not condoning any of these. A few of them are straight up illegal and all of them will defy whatever moral compass supposedly guides you. With that said… prepare for sick, twisted laughs, you evil bastard! If you enjoy our selection, you can get more here.
Sell Positive Pregnancy Tests
From the darkest pits of evil female logic comes this hell-spawned gem.

Perfect Deception
Just in case you want to be one of the most deceitful people on the planet.

Command Authority at Concerts
This one isn’t too horrible, but probably extremely effective.

Pretend You’re Deaf
Break down all means of communication with an officer of the law to get out of a ticket.

Start A Bar Tab
There is a slight chance you get busted and subsequently beaten severely by bouncers.

Build A Slave Army
Outsource telemarketing jobs to live a life of luxury while other people suffer. It’s the American Dream!

Pretend Your Son Is Disabled
This will help get you out of anything at work, until they find out Simple Jack doesn’t really exist and you’re a monster.

Morally Objectionable Parking
Apparently it’s not illegal, so you won’t get a ticket. Your soul will forever burn in hell though.

DIY Abortion
We aren’t doctors, but we have some doubts about this one.

New Tires For Your Car
There is a special place in hell for people who actually do this.

Free CDs and DVDs
This one is straight up theft.

Racist Shoplifter
What if you’re a minority yourself? Good luck with your shoplifting and jailtime goals of 2014!

Ultimate Revenge
Just in case you want to make absolutely sure your karma hits negative numbers.

Free Breakfast
It’s stealing, but… yeah, still stealing.

Stealing Beer
A lot of these ‘life hacks’ are just tips on how to steal things.

Collect Resumes From Competitors
One of the most unethical ways to land a job.

How To Sell On eBay
Like a scumbag.

Lie To Your Girlfriend
You earned her trust, now abuse it. Seems legit!

Postpone Your Court Date
You know… for the times you end up getting caught shoplifting thanks to these other life hacks!

Play Pool For Free
Another terrific way to get a beatdown from some bouncers.

We hope you don’t take any of this ‘advice’ seriously. Be a boss, not a sociopath.